I was speaking with a friend online today regarding the NSA’s domestic surveillance program. Much to my dismay, he seemed to be fine with it. He’s proven himself to be an intelligent and persuasive guy in the past, so I pressed him on it, hoping he would reveal some groundbreaking new argument that I hadn’t heard before. Unfortunately, he went with the same old clichéd line we’ve all heard a thousand times: “If you aren’t doing anything wrong, why do you care?”

Commence face-palming in three, two, one… go.

“Wrong.” It’s a word we use every day. But what does it mean? Let’s take a page from Justin Nafziger and ask the dictionary:

Wrong, adjective:
Unjust, dishonest, immoral

Well, okay then. Your argument seems to be somewhat flawed. Lots of activities don’t fit the definition of “wrong,” but does that mean they shouldn’t be private? Are you really okay with someone observing you so long as the action you are performing or engaging in isn’t “wrong”?

Do you want people to watch you have sex (yes, I’m well aware that some of you do, but that’s a different topic) with your partner? Sex isn’t wrong. It’s a part of life—the reason that any of us even exist—so are you okay with an audience?

What about taking a shit? I’m not sure if you’ve heard yet or not, but everyone poops. It’s a completely natural and necessary bodily function. But does that mean you’re okay with defecating on stage while an audience of strangers looks on? Probably not.

The list of completely natural human functions goes on and on: Masturbating, urinating, crying (hopefully not all at once), and yes, communicating.

Just because something is not “wrong” doesn’t mean you automatically give up your basic right to privacy.

Now, I get it—programs like those run by the NSA are often justified in the name of national security. The idea is that by monitoring communications, the government can catch terrorists and prevent attacks before they happen. In theory, that sounds like a reasonable trade-off. But the reality is far more complex. The problem isn’t just the potential for catching bad actors; it’s the sweeping, indiscriminate nature of the surveillance. When you cast that wide of a net, you’re not just catching terrorists—you’re also catching everyone else, including people who are simply exercising their right to privacy.

And let’s not forget the broader implications. Normalizing surveillance based on this flawed logic creates a chilling effect on free speech, discouraging people from expressing themselves freely or engaging in activism. Over time, this could lead to a society where people are afraid to speak out against injustice, fearing that their words and actions might be scrutinized or used against them.

If you still disagree, that’s fine. Please feel free to send the NSA your email address and ask them to check in on you from time to time.

As for the rest of us, we’d prefer to keep our private lives, oh, I don’t know, private… regardless of whether or not you think we are doing anything wrong.

But thank you for your selfless service in helping the government fight terrorism. Maybe they’ll give you a medal or something.

Author:Nick Allison is just a banged-up Army Infantry vet of the War in Iraq. He lives in Austin, TX with his wife, their children and two big, dumb, ugly mongrel dogs. Don’t take anything he says too seriously… he’s just trying to figure out this ride we call existence like everyone else. Also, he enjoys writing his own bio in third-person because it probably makes him feel more important.

Please feel free to send your love letters and hate mail to nick.chaossection@gmail.com.