“The legalization of marijuana is not a dangerous experiment – the prohibition is the experiment, and it has failed dramatically, with millions of victims all around the world.”
– Sebastian Marincolo

Once upon a time, there was a land inhabited by intelligent creatures called Apes. They called their land a Nation. And this Nation was a strange, strange place. It was a good place compared to many others, but strange nonetheless.

The Apes loved to make rules for themselves. Some of these rules were good and made a lot of sense: “Don’t kill other apes!” said the Apes. “Don’t steal from them! Don’t discriminate based on species! Don’t become intoxicated and drive a car!” These rules were not a problem. Most everyone agreed.

But the Apes didn’t stop there. They also loved to make silly rules that didn’t make any sense at all.

You see, the Apes didn’t actually make the rules themselves—they picked a few select Apes to make the rules for them. These special rule-makers were called Politicians. Every few years, the Apes would get together and decide who the Politicians would be. They rarely picked new ones, though, because it was easier to just pick the same ones over and over again, even if they weren’t doing a very good job—and were making very shitty rules.

Once the Apes were finished picking (or reaffirming) their Politicians, the Politicians would gather in a dark, corrupt village known as The District of Columbia. This District was filled with another special group of Apes called Lobbyists. Unlike the Politicians, these Lobbyists weren’t elected—they were hired. The Lobbyists controlled vast amounts of colorful bits of paper called Dollars. The Apes loved Dollars, because they represented a type of metal called Gold. And Gold was shiny.

Politicians loved Dollars most of all. And when they traveled to The District to make the rules, the Lobbyists would come to them and say, “Here are some Dollars for you. When you retire, we’ll give you a job and even more Dollars. All you have to do is make the rules the way we want them.”

And this is how the Apes made rules.

I know—it doesn’t make any sense to you. But there was much about the Apes that didn’t make sense.

One of the silliest rules the Apes ever made was to declare certain naturally growing plants illegal. One such plant was called Cannabis, but most Apes referred to it as Marijuana, Pot, or Weed. The Apes liked to change their perception of reality, because their daily lives were stressful, difficult, or boring. Cannabis was one of the plants they used to do this—probably the best one.

But a few Apes didn’t like that others enjoyed Cannabis, so they went to the Lobbyists and the Politicians and said, “We need a rule: No Ape may ingest Cannabis!” And the Politicians said, “Okay. Since you’ve given us jobs, and the Lobbyists have given us Dollars, we’ll make Cannabis illegal.”

And so they did.

The funny thing about this rule was that Cannabis wasn’t actually dangerous. It didn’t kill anyone.

Sure, it was possible to ingest too much Cannabis and drive a car—but as I pointed out earlier, the Apes already had a rule against driving while intoxicated. The Cannabis itself didn’t kill anyone.

And the Apes weren’t opposed to all intoxicants. Far from it. They loved intoxicants. They collectively drank gallons upon gallons of a liquid called Booze every day. Everyone was okay with Booze, and no rules were made to stop them from drinking it.

Maybe it was the smoke that scared the Apes. After all, the most common way to consume Cannabis was by lighting it on fire and breathing in the smoke. But no, this wasn’t the issue either. The Apes regularly consumed another plant—Tobacco—that they mixed with chemicals and also smoked. Tobacco was different, though. It didn’t really have any benefits. It just made you addicted and eventually killed you with things like cancer and emphysema.

Booze? While it did have the benefit of making things fun, it also killed Apes and caused them to make very poor decisions—often violently.

In fact, Booze and Tobacco killed millions of Apes every year… while Cannabis killed none.

And yet Booze and Tobacco were legal.
Cannabis remained “against the rules.”

Silly, isn’t it?

But it gets worse—and this part isn’t silly at all.

Here’s what the Apes did to other Apes who dared to break the Cannabis Rule:
They locked them in cages.

Some of these cages were owned by Private Companies. These Private Prison Companies paid their Lobbyists many, many Dollars. The Lobbyists, in turn, promised the Politicians even more Dollars—so long as they didn’t change the Cannabis Rule.

Most Apes didn’t pay attention to any of this. Which is why Cannabis stayed illegal. Because it was very, very profitable for the Private Prison Companies to put Cannabis-using Apes into the cages they owned.

Of course, it wasn’t just the Prison Companies. The Booze Companies also made money off keeping Cannabis illegal. So did the paper and cotton industries. You see, Hemp—a cousin of Cannabis—was illegal too, even though it wasn’t psychoactive. It could be used to make textiles, paper, and even lumber. Stronger than cotton. More renewable than trees. Cheaper to manufacture.

So, of course, the Big Private Companies couldn’t allow that kind of competition.

The Politicians hired some of the common Apes to enforce the rules. These Apes were called The Police. They gave them weapons and shiny badges and told them that their job was to protect the other Apes… and enforce the rules.

And one of those rules was: Arrest the Apes with Cannabis.

Then lock them in cages—even if their actions hadn’t harmed anyone.

The Politicians and the Police didn’t call it Cannabis, though.

They called it Drugs.

This Nation of Apes was obsessed with words. They were offended by certain words. They were angry at certain words. They demonized certain words. Even though words were just noises made with their mouths, the Apes gave them enormous power.

So the Lobbyists and the Politicians called Cannabis “Drugs.”

The word “Drugs” now covered everything: Heroin, Crack, Coke, Meth—and yes, even Cannabis.

The Politicians then launched a full-blown crusade: The War on Drugs! As if you could fight a war against inanimate objects.

But the War on Drugs wasn’t really a war on drugs. It was a war on other Apes.

And it was a very real war indeed.

Thousands of Apes died. In their Nation. In the Nation to the South. In Nations across the ocean. All to keep the Cannabis—and the Dollars—flowing the right direction.

The Apes didn’t realize that if they had just changed the Cannabis Rule, they could’ve stopped the war. They could’ve stopped imprisoning peaceful Apes. They could’ve wiped out the Black Market in one stroke.

It wouldn’t have fixed everything—but it would’ve been a big step in the right direction.

Of course, the Apes fought many wars over many different rules.
But those stories are for another day.

Today is about the Cannabis Wars.

A harmless plant that the Apes freaked out over.
And to top it all off, this plant wasn’t just harmless—it was actually helpful.

The Apes didn’t have a Drug Problem.
They had an Education Problem.

Cannabis had hundreds of medicinal uses.
It helped with empathy, compassion, and creativity—the very things the Apes lacked most.

Or as one very intelligent Ape, a scientist named Carl, once said: “The illegality of cannabis is outrageous, an impediment to full utilization of a drug which helps produce the serenity and insight, sensitivity and fellowship so desperately needed in this increasingly mad and dangerous world.”

As I told you, this Nation of Apes was, at its core, a good one. The Apes that lived there were mostly kind. They gave to charity. They supported their families. They loved and laughed and hoped and trusted.

And that was their downfall:
The Trust.

They trusted the Politicians simply because they were in positions of power. They forgot that they, the Common Apes, were the ones with the power all along. They could’ve written new rules.

Rules to kick the Lobbyists out of The District.
Rules to free the peaceful Apes from the cages.
Rules that said: do whatever you want, as long as you don’t hurt anyone else.

Rules that said no Politician could stay in power forever.

They could’ve fixed the whole goddamn broken system.

If only they had decided to do it.

---

Author: Nick Allison is just a banged-up Army Infantry vet of the War in Iraq. He lives in Austin, TX with his wife, their children and two big, dumb, ugly mongrel dogs. Don’t take anything he says too seriously… he’s just trying to figure out this ride we call existence like everyone else. Also, he enjoys writing his own bio in third-person because it probably makes him feel more important.