The Chaos Sports Report with Willie B. Lakey – Veterans Day “Rich people don’t like to be in the military. The shoes are ugly and the uniforms itch. Rich people don’t go in much for revolution or terrorism, either.” ~ P. J. O’Rourke Are these uniforms in sports getting crazy, or what? “You can’t tell…
So there I was perched on the throne this morning when it suddenly dawned on me that maybe half my friends are right and all of the problems we have today are because of the Democrats. No sooner had that thought crossed my mind than I wondered if it’s the other half who is correct…
“The Hall of Fame is for baseball people. Heaven is for good people.” ~ Journeyman outfielder Jim Dwyer, 1989 An annual rite of winter is upon us and it has once again stirred up controversy, all manmade. Some people know it as the announcement of the latest players to make it to baseball’s Hall of…
“So we finish the 18th and he’s gonna’ stiff me. And I say, ‘Hey Lama, hey, how about something, you know, for the effort. And he says, ‘Oh, there won’t be any money, but when you die, on your deathbed, you will receive total consciousness.’ So I got that goin’ for me. Which is nice.”…
“War, n: A by-product of the arts of peace. The most menacing political condition is a period of international amity.” ~ Ambrose Bierce For the record, I was in favor of Bush going into Iraq to take out Saddam Hussein. We’ll eventually work our way back to that. One thing politics and sports have in…
“I’m shocked, shocked to find that gambling is going on here!” ~ Claude Rains as Capt. Louis Renault in Casablanca. It’s one of my favorite movie scenes ever, and makes me laugh each time it crosses my mind. For the benefit of those who have not seen one of the most famous flicks ever, and…
“Mob law does not become due process of law by securing the assent of a terrorized jury.” ~ Oliver Wendell Holmes, Jr. Baseball’s All-Star Game is upon us, and it always brings back great memories from my youth. Like in 1964 when I had my transistor radio taped to the handlebars of my bike, pedaling…
“I think gay marriage is good for the economy, at least those of us in the food biz and lawyers (gay divorce).” ~ Linda Lee Catering and counseling, that’s the future. But before you make any decision about the quote above, give yourself a Paul Harvey break and hear the rest of the story. Paula…
“Whenever you hear a man speak of his love for his country it is a sign that he expects to be paid for it.” ~ HL Mencken, 1955 He was just another stranger at the bar when the afternoon began, something of an educator before it ended. We’ve only crossed paths twice more in about…
by Willie B. Lakey “Nobody fucks with the Jesus.” ~ John Turturro as Jesus Quintana in The Big Lebowski It’s times like Wednesday that can really drive a gambler crazy, along with setting a good example of why it’s so tough to beat Las Vegas. Not that I’m encouraging anyone to gamble, nor am I basing this…
Clergyman, n. A man who undertakes the management of our spiritual affairs as a method of bettering his temporal ones. ~ Ambrose Bierce Is it a sporting event or the Academy Awards? Perhaps a little of both with a touch of a presidential race and American Idol thrown in. Whatever the case, picking the next…
“What in the Wide World of Sports is a-goin’ on here?” ~ Taggart in Blazing Saddles Our sports update begins with a story from the “Here’s A Shovel To Help Dig Your Hole” Department at Chaos Section. Manti Te’o, the Notre Dame linebacker scammed by an on-line girlfriend who died then came back to life,…
“Sports do not build character. They reveal it.” ~Heywood Broun A great hoax was perpetrated this week in the world of college football. Shortly after pledging his allegiance to the University of Oregon, head football coach Chip Kelly did an about-face and decided to make his way to the NFL ranks as the gridiron chief…
“Unless a man starts afresh about things, he will certainly do nothing effective.” ~G.K. Chesterton Around the same time of the morning on January 1 that the US Senate passed its bill to avoid the much-ballyhooed fiscal cliff, I was observing a pretty momentous anniversary. Granted, I was fast asleep during the historic event, my…
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